It took me about thirty seconds after first hearing Seven Nation Army to know that the White Stripes were one of the worst groups of "musicians" I had ever heard. Including the country genre. What I didn't know at the time was that these people aren't even shy about how terrible they are.



I'm not sure you can fully appreciate what just happened. If you blinked^[1] you would have missed it. What you just witnessed was a one-note concert. One note. Not one chord or one song. One note. I was going rant more on such an idiotic stunt, but all I can't continue because all I can hear inside of my brain is "if it weren't for my horse..."



-----
¹ With your ears, of course

Well, Amy has officially arrived in London, England. She'll be spending the next 8 or 9 weeks there. What will I be up to, you ask? Well, I've recently acquired a cubicle, which will henceforth be called a "cube" for brevity's sake. This cube is going to be pimped out, but unfortunately, audience, you'll have to wait for some pictures. In the mean time, since work is kinda slim until they find out I actually know how to do things, I've been messing with iGoogle (formerly google home). As you can see, it's been all tricked out with London attire.

Since the time these images were taken I've also added a Dilbert feed that scrapes the comic of the day from dilbert.com, but you can pretty much just guess what that looks like.^*

-----------------

* If you can't guess, it looks like there is a Dilbert comic strip on my homepage.

Yesterday I saw a kid riding his bike. With rollerblades on. I don't know how many wheels the average person needs to get around campus, but apparently this kid can't do with less than 10. Unfortunately I couldn't get a picture of the guy in time, so instead, I present some pictures of what most likely happened to this guy once he turned the corner.

This doesn't count as an update, as I'm not saying much. I only want to announce that I am having the time of my life and I hope that you, audience, can say the same.
----
Now you all can go back to what you were doing.

I'm back, did anyone in my lovely audience miss me? It's been over two weeks since the last installment, but fret not, the lack of updates does not correspond to a lack of activity in my life, in fact, this entry is sure to be the most action packed one to date.^[1] In addition to the new content, I've started this new, easier to use, more convenient^[2] style of writing. Now, all my witty bits are concentrated in one location for easier access.^[3]

Now on to the highlight of the episode, the Awesome List of Stuff that has Happened to me Recently (in no particular order):^[4]

• Found an off-campus apartment for next year
  
• Parents came up for a short visit
  
• Met a really sweet girl
  
• Promoted to Senior status at work
  
• Omar updated his Facebook to include an actual picture of himself^[5]
  

You too can be added to the Awesome List and probably save some lives by sponsoring me here. It is a 150 mile bicycle race/ride to fight MS that runs from Pittsburgh, PA, to Erie, OH. I am required to raise a minimum of $200 in order to ride, so any help will be greatly appreciated.^[6]

A proper conclusion does not exist^[7] for an entry as amazing as this, so instead, I leave you, my audience, with a quote. "A bird in hand is much better than any number free to wander."^[8]

---

[1]this isn't saying much
[2]read: annoying
[3]other bits also available by request
[4]capitalization rules do not apply to this title
[5]most of you, audience, won't understand this reference (don't loose any sleep over it)
[6]payment in bits will also be considered
[7]read: I thought for a good thirty seconds and nothing came to me, so I gave up
[8]+10 to the first person to comment with the origin of this quote^[9]
[9]no cheating

I was on Strange Maps today, mainly because that's what all the cool people do, and I saw this sweet map of the Eisenhower Interstate System. If you look closely, you'll see that my home town is in fact on the map, while the city that we all have come to know and love, is not. Now I know all you ROC supporters (I'm sure they must exist somewhere [and they are also big fans of the site]) are gonna say something to the effect of, "well it must be by population and we just missed it." That statement, however, is not true. Wilkes-Barre is on the map. We just suck.

P.S. Apparently Buffalo sucks too.

Piracy just hit a whole new level. No longer are pirates content with getting anything they want for free, now they also have to look good while doing it.

I was approached by two well-dressed fellows today, and after studying me for a long second, they said, in a friendly tone, "do you work for Res-Net?" Thinking someone had confused my job title with that of our sister entity, and not really being in the mood to deal with a kid who looked like he was only going to whine about his ping times, I replied "no" quite flatly. What happened next I could have never expected. I was handed a glossy business card with just an address on it. The two men smiled, and when I looked up again, they were gone.

What is this world coming to?

It's been quite a while since my last installment, but don't worry, I've been more than busy. Maybe a better way to put it is that I was waiting for something to happen that was worth reporting back to my (every-so-picky) audience. Well, the wait is over. I have news...

I am now officially a Rubik's Cube master. Granted, I'm still not really a master, but I did increase my best time to a blistering 2:29. Don't believe me? Well good thing I used this atomic timer, which is accurate to ± 1x10^-23 seconds per year, and on top of that, I took this screenshot, which is indisputable evidence. Basically, your worshiping can begin any time now.

...
indie rock nate:http://xs511.xs.to/xs511/07030/gaia.PNG
Matt Kotsenas: I've been meaning to ask you
Matt Kotsenas: why are you a girl?
indie rock nate:no fun to dress up a boy
Matt Kotsenas: no fun to dress up a girl
indie rock nate:pervis
indie rock nate:i'm half gay and that half likes buying pretty clothes
indie rock nate:if i wanted to buy flaming haircuts and skull jackets i'd play as a boy
indie rock nate:but i dont
...

it's all beginning to make sense now...

I went house hunting today and I'm a little worried...



...vertical blinds are not an effective dinosaur deterrent.

Or how to pigeon hole an unaccountably infinite number of arbitrary theorems into one counter-intuitive logical package.


When someone looks at my class schedule, one of the questions I always get after he or she is finished counting lucky stars is, “what is Discrete Math?” How do you answer a question like this? Discrete Math is, by principle, all the theorems and ideas that don’t fit in anywhere else in mathematics. I could explain simple set theory, but that’s only part of the equation. I could talk about functions, but that can’t be adequately described without then explaining Algorithmics.

So how do you explain Discrete Math to someone then? Using the diagonalization process to prove the set of all Rational Numbers countably infinite, for example, doesn’t make nearly as good of as an example as you’d think (trust me, I’ve tried.) So here it is. After much deliberation, I have come up with the definition of Discrete Math. Discrete Mathematics, also known as “finite mathematics,” is the process by which simple, intuitive ideas are made needlessly complex. On top of that, it’s mostly useless. Sure, being able to guarantee that three people in the average sized class are born in the same month may be a great party trick, but strangely enough none of my employers have ever actually asked me to use the Pigeonhole Principle to help out a customer. Sure, you could argue that it is helping to develop logical thinking skills, but then, couldn’t we just come to class and solve puzzles? No tests, just puzzles. The chances of you using a theory or principle actually taught in class are extremely low, unless you are a math major, in which case, your thought patterns are already too screwed up. For evidence of this illness you need go no further than the individuals who consider the class “fun.”

Of course, the class isn’t all bad. The professor is amazing, his handwriting is flawless, and I get to make fun of a nerd to his face (he’s ranked 16^th in the country in Unreal Tournament 2004, you know.)

Brian (my roommate) and I have recently discovered that you can never have too many comfortable chairs. This discovery coincidentally coincided with the garbage day of a local, well-to-do university, who apparently does not appreciate comfort the way we do. I'm not sure what frame of mind you have to be in to discard such obviously useful pieces of furniture, but I do know what frame of mind you have to be in to "recycle" them.

And don't you worry about what we're going to do with these fine chairs. Brian has already claimed the green-stained-brown one, and he plans to have it reupholstered and placed in his office. Another chair (most likely the wooden one) will go to the Man Dinner Foundation, so that all men will have a place to sit and share in the fine dining (all 20lbs. of it) of our bi-weekly meeting. The straggler will most likely end up in our common room.

So last Thursday I took Joe and Lauren to see Casino Royale. Lauren and I had already seen the movie, but Joe had not, and I'm not one to pass up an opportunity to play cards, look at beautiful women, and watch things go boom. After all three of us squeezed into the front seat, I noticed something on the outside of my windshield. My truck had already been egged this year, and as I got out to remove the new vandalism, I notice this was something quite different.

Someone left a CD on the windshield of my car. Not just any CD though, a Dave Matthews Band CD, and on top of that, it's a 3 CD set I don't already have. So I'm not exactly sure what to make of it. Could I really have a secret admirer? It's much more likely that the gift was actually for the truck itself, which is infinitely more popular than I am.

What is it with the influx of horror films around Christmas time? Isn't Christmas the most inappropriate time for such stories? I mean, I'm all for freedom of expression and while I don't see many scary movies myself, I see nothing wrong with them. It just seems to me that, from a business sense, fewer people would what to get the crap scared out of them right before Christmas dinner, I mean, that's what extended family is for, right? Most of these movies are in production for months on end, what's waiting another three weeks?

Maybe I'm missing something, but this sort of thing doesn't exactly flow with the whole mistletoe/garland motif.

So I know you all have been anxiously awaiting my next installment, and if you were quick (and nocturnal) you would have gotten one, but I later decided it sucked and it's since been removed. Since then I've modified the Look and Feel of the site slightly, a little more "blogish" you could call it. Unfortunately, all the visual effects in the world can't even begin to prepare you for the horror that unfolds below.

Yesterday I had a popsicle stick jammed up my nose.

Now I know this doesn't sound all that bad, but I'm pretty sure, during the apex of the thrust, that the tip of the popsicle actually breached my nasal cavity and made contact with my frontal lobe. Now I know that the attack was mostly an accident, and that Susie didn't mean to put quite the hurting on me that she did, but the fact remains the same. I cried. Not a "boo hoo hoo" type, merely a reactionary eye watering due to indescribable pain. At least I was able to milk it to the point that I got hugs from three separate girls.

I THINK I'VE GOT A SPLINTER IN MY SINUSES.

Oh, say it out...
Don't know what you're crying for,
Just let it out, oh.
Oh, you say it's too sad,
It's too bad it's too much for you.
Well, you ain't got to carry everything...
But oh oh oh, it's a trouble world, for sure.
That don't mean you gotta carry it on your back.
But oh oh oh, for sure, it's trouble deep along,
It'll work out. Love'll get you back there.

I remember so, how our souls feel,
Watching baby's blood pour, but,
Oh, when you grew up did you think that he would laugh when he could?
We should all laugh when we should...

It's sounds crazy.
Love is spread like fire.
Oh, you don't have to be crazy,
Great love is spread like fire.

Oh, hey hey hey,
Take a minute for...
Your feet, and, and lean back and or...
Wake up and have a drink or,
Get high when you should be thinkin' or,
Feel fine when you should be sad...
And baby, baby please, don't you think you gotta bad.
Baby please, why should you be blue?
It's not your disease we're reaming through.

Not crazy.
Big love is spread like fire.
You know I'm not crazy,
I believe love is spread like fire.

This time is, two time is,
This little world will be finest.
Your mother's strong. Your mother's stronger.
Do something for those who are not with you;
Throw your head back and laugh.

Umm oh, oh oh oh, throw your head back and laugh.

Crazy, it's not to save the world.
Though you ain't crazy,
It'll take a child to save the world...
Though you're not crazy,
Big love is spread like fire.
I promise you I'm not crazy,
Lasting love is spread like fire.

Sittin' on my front step.
Waitin' 'till you step, step off that bus again today.
I was in my head, wave like I don't care, babe.
She got me feeling like a kid,
I remember dearly that day,
So I'm not gonna pull your hair...

I fall so hard inside the idea of you,
That's why, with you, can't say what I mean.
Wanna stay, but I think I'm getting out of here.
I fall so hard inside the idea of you.

I knew about love, back then.
"Take while you can," I say.
I wish I was a kid and you were my queen.
It'd be OK all the way back then.
Would I know, what it is?
I'm not gonna kick you in the shins...

I fall so hard inside the idea of you,
That's why, with you, can't say what I mean.
I wanna stay, but I think I'm getting out of here.
I fall so hard inside the idea of you.

Oh God, you gave...
On that bus, I, I was just a kid...
But I swear, I'm thinking...
Wash my mouth out with...
The things I want...
I, know it's wrong of me...
But I can't stop...
My head...
Oh, Oh Oh, Yea Yea Yea Yea

I fall so hard inside the idea of you.
Thats why, with you, can't say what I mean.
Wanna stay, but I think I'm getting out of here.
I fall so hard inside the idea of you.

I said God...
Just like it was back then...

Ok, so pretty much if you've known me for more than the last three days, you'll know that last Saturday I went to Albany to see Trace Bundy. If you know that much, you also know that it was one of the best concerts of my life. I won't even try to explain everything that happened, it's hard enough to reinact, let alone describe with words only. Basically it came down to me getting to hang out with the guy for about an hour in a VFW, with a whole bunch of crazy music thrown in for good measure.

Sunday sucked as much as Saturday was awesome. I knew I had a lot of SE 361 reading to do, but I figured it'd take me like 6 hours maximum, so I went to bed between 4 and 5AM and didn't set an alarm. 1PM came rolling around and I got up, and after a little bit of slacking, I started to read. And read. Ended up reading for 12 hours almost non-stop. It was lame. I missed Flavor of Love and Sex w/ Sue.

My friend Maggie got back together with Pete. He's one of the nicer guys that she's dated, so I guess it's OK with me, but I still think that she could do way better. These girls I'll just never understand.

I guess that's about everything. I was really looking forward to this post; thought I'd be able to write a whole bunch. Really, the only thing I can expand on is the concert, and I've pretty much beaten that one to death already. I guess this one will just be a short one, not really much else I can do.

SHE LOOKS TO ME

Trembling, a shotgun in his hand.
Like rainbows, broken by the glass, always...
You take me back home,
and I stumble like dead man,
Running on his last breath rain, rain.
Like the first time,
You played me like a fool.
You make me wanna rain, rain out.
Why did you go,
All the way inside my head,
and take away control?
I believed every word you said, only to find,
it was all a lie, baby...

I screwed up,
and can't get back to the way, Rain on...
Like the bitter, evil kiss.
The first time, I thought that I was in heaven.

Heaven. The first time.
I, I thought that I was in...heaven.
Like a shotgun, blew away my head.
That's what it sounded like.
Stumble like a nearly dead man, you...
Make me...
'Cause I screwed up.